Take a Break

By the time you're reading this, I'll be on a boat in the middle of the ocean somewhere- hopefully not stranded- drinking a lot of flaming martinis and taking naps in my bathing suit. Today though, I'm sitting here writing this while also recovering from a particularly intense weekend. I've never been shy about admitting I was once a pretty extreme party girl- I went pretty hard in my early 20s. I've slowed way down as I've gotten older, but I can still hit a wild streak during times of stress here and there. I'm what I call a party-griever. You know that widow that goes out a week after her husbands death for a boob job, buys a six thousand dollar dress to go dance and drink entirely too much with strangers then has the whole town talking about her for years after? Yeah- that's me.

As I've gotten older I've learned better ways to handle stress that don't include drinking- and I'm sure my liver thanks me- but lately all of life's little (and some very large) stresses have been trying to knock me down. So here I am, bruised and sore from falling... literally (I still maintain that I've tripped over that same step 100 times sober, so it wasn't just because I had been drinking) and with no voice from taking late night drives with the top down screaming just to let it all out. I sound like a disaster, I know- and I kind of am one... but a fully functional adult disaster. I actually contemplated on not sharing it so you would still take me seriously but I fell back on my transparency policy. I cant preach what I don't practice. In a week or so you'll see me on white beaches with blue water but unless I shared with you what got me there- all you'd see was sparkle and I don't want people to only see and compare their lives with my sparkliest bits.

Fat Travel Anxiety: The List

So I'm getting ready to leave today for my trip! We have made it! I mentioned in my past post that I would put together this list along the way of all my fat anxiety items that I ran into while getting ready so here we are. Sorry if it is a little dark right before the weekend, but know that it isn't meant to be dark. I have a feeling all these issues will have happy endings in my post-trip Fat Anxiety Review.

I know some of these are irrational, but like I told you before... my anxiety isn't exactly rational.Does this list make me insecure? Maybe, but one of a human's basic needs is being accepted (thank you college psychology) and if anyone tells you they've never felt a little insecure they probably have a personality disorder. (I'm looking at you Kanye). Confidence and self acceptance are not always your first thoughts, they are the process of correcting those thoughts and overcoming them.

1. I don't want to go scuba diving because I'm afraid of them not having a suit in my size. 
2. I'm afraid the rooms will be small and I'll have to squeeze between the bed and the TV center every time.
3. The balcony of my room is small- will I fit?
4. Actually... ship doors are pretty small- I know I will fit, but how well?
5. I'm so glad I dont have to fly- flying is so hard as a fat person. ***
6. Id love to go to the spa, but will they have a robe that fits?
7. ...will the masseuse mind my naked fatness?
8.  Public pools. period.
9. Am I going to break the pool furniture!? There is nothing scarier than that *creeeeaaakkkk* as you sit down.
10. Can I find something casual to wear that also looks good? Jeans and a t-shirt is a challenge.
11. If we do an excursion, will people look at me as if I cant make the hike? 
12. If we do a tasting excursion, will people think, of course fatty did the food trip!
13. How am I ever going to find 3 suits that I love that also cover what I want covered? 

Obviously I'm not the only one that has these thoughts before traveling- that picture up there is a post from the message boards where someone is inquiring about weight limits for the water slides. These are the things about being fat that people worry about but rarely talk about (notice it has almost 550 views). Even if nobody else notices, that creak from sitting down in a chair can be terrifying so I want to share my experience mentally beforehand and then the real life experience in action. Keep an eye out for a "result" post about a week after I get back!

***I flew for my NYC trip and I'll tell you about that!

Faux Fall

 Day 7 of the Dia Style Challenge is #FauxFall. You know how into faux leather I am so of course thats what I picked! The hardest part about this challenge is getting it all done every day while also not having to change too many times before work. Pairing a leather jacket with something work appropriate was definitely a challenge. I used my Asos Curve jumpsuit and the grid tee also from Asos (both size 24) as a base outfit and then added the jacket to take it from trendy profesh to trendy edgy.

Also, yes- thats Prissy in every picture. Shes this close to me at all times. Im going to have to invest in a leather doggy jacket.

The actual jacket is Modamix in a size 3x. I got it in one of my Dia&Co boxes- July I believe- and I love it! As soon as I pulled it out of the box I was like, well- this is it. This is the best day of my life.
More pictures after the jump>>>>