Fat Travel Anxiety: The Beginning

Original photo credit: Patrick Bennett

As I've mentioned about 75 times before, I'll be traveling in October.  We have had a pretty stressful year and decided a month or so ago to just schedule something and work out the details later. Cody, A friend of mine from high school is a travel agent now (follow the link if youd like to check him out; you can tell him I sent you over) and so I hit him up and was like, "Vegas... go!" Then we realized he also did cruises and so I threw in a "but if you have any great deals on a cruise, we'd be willing to look at those too." Im sure he was like, Oh Monus! Here we go. Long story short, we have a cruise to the Bahamas planned.

I've also casually mentioned my anxiety levels in passing, but I'm not sure if I've gotten much into it. It is paralyzing in some situations. In the past when I didn't have a handle on it, I couldn't get out of the car to go in the grocery store if I hadn't mentally prepared myself.  I cover it well enough with casual acquaintances, but my poor boyfriend and my best friends have seen the worst. I really cant thank them enough for just listening when I'm going over my packing list for the 2667th time making sure everything is perfect.



In my day to day life, I am constantly scanning my surroundings to look for "a threat". I am exceptionally in tune with people's nuances because I'm constantly evaluating them for any hint that they don't like me or are uncomfortable. I have already planned my way in, my way around and my way out with the path of greatest efficiency. Chances are I've thought of every "problem" that can arise in any given situation and have also planned a solution. I have six time schedules for one outing because if plans A, B and C dont work, I'll be ready for plan D. I have found that schedules, routines and planning help me enjoy things that I might not otherwise be able to relax enough to enjoy. Traveling disrupts all of that, and when that balance is upset, I go into hyper organization mode. I have lists, my lists have lists and the lists of the list's list are broken down and probably highlighted. (ok, the last part may have been dramatic, but there are definitely lists!)

While I know my case is probably extreme, I do know that I'm not the only fat girl with fat related anxiety about traveling. The body positive movement is growing, but we all know that in reality not everyone is as welcoming. If you think nobody has bad body days even when they are extremely body positive, then you are in for a treat. I made a decision when I decided to put my life online that I'd be as open and honest as possible to keep that whole "life is perfect online" thing out of the way. In the months between now and my trip I'm going to start putting together a list of all of my travel anxieties related to my fatness. I'll post the list the day before I travel. (Friday, October 9th)  This is going to serve a few purposes.
A.) to show you arent "broken" if you have some of these thoughts because others also have them.
B.) at the end, I'll do a follow up to show what actually came of the issue and...
C.) I wont lie, it will be a little self soothing. Its mostly for others, but definitely a little for me *wink*.

I would love it if you shared your stories along the way.