Troll Museum

Pictures from Tess Holliday's Instagram were used because she gets the epitome of hate and trolls. If you dont follow her- you can find her @tessholiday.

I remember my very last day of 5th grade. The boys that had made it their mission to pick on me that year had taken my lunch box from me and were playing keep away. Even the boy that I used to lovingly call Bumble Bee (he always wore black and yellow stripes) and run office errands with  got involved and eventually the lunch box broke right along with my ability to hold back tears. As if on cue, my mom was walking down the sidewalk to come pick me up for the Summer. I remember seeing her and just running into her arms and crying. Those boys had to write sentences for the rest of the day- we laughed about it in high school after apologies had been said.

My online presence is not quite big enough yet to bring a lot of "haters" but I have always been prepared for the day when it would come. I didn't know how I was going to react, but I knew eventually something would be said. It is the internet after all. It happened a couple weeks ago on Instagram when I posted the picture of me in my bathing suit. I believe the comment was, "supporter of morbid obesity." I remember reading it at a stop light as I was leaving downtown from work.

I laughed.

My Kardashian Konundrum.

Yeah, I did the K thing. I sure did.

It was recently brought to my attention that I don't talk about the Kardashians when they are almost the epicenter of pop culture and fashion these days. I dont talk about them for mainly one reason: the horrible responses from people on the "other side of the fence."

I've tried to stay away from using them as examples since it is such a polarizing topic. I do not want to bring the hate that follows the name to this blog. So far we have an amazing group of people here and there has never been any shaming or hate of each other and I love that. As we grow, I'm sure it will be harder to maintain, but I dont want to preemptively bring the negativity by opening the door to those that spot an easy target. Overall, I leave it up to you. If you would like to see more or want me to do a recreation of a look, I'd be more than happy to oblige.

How do I feel about them? I seem to be one of the few people that doesn't have a super strong opinion one way or the other (love/hate). I do have an opinion of course, I have an opinion on most everything. Might have even gotten "Most Opinionated" in High School so the sass was always there, even from infancy. My opinion is to just let let them live! I mean, Kim did ask for it. I do not subscribe to the fact that they are famous and/or rich for no reason.

Lilly Pulitzer for Plus? Pul-ease!

I wasn't going to do it, guys- I really wasn't but then everyone got on the bandwagon and now here I am. On the bandwagon. Like a chump. Ok, so I'm not really a chump and I've mentioned my distaste for the brand before so this isn't out of bandwagon nowhere land. Do I even make sense anymore? Probably not.

Here is what I'm trying to get at: Turns out, a long time straight size brand that focuses on resort wear which temporarily released a plus size line in a cheaped out version for Target doesn't really give a shit about plus size ladies. Actually, not only do they not care about us fatties, but they mock us behind our backs. Color me shocked. I'm appalled, outraged, nauseated! (I sure hope you're reading with the sarcasm I have intended.)

My (maybe not so) Torrid Love Affair

I feel like a traitor to all plus size women everywhere when I say this, but... I'm having a Torrid crisis. I'm struggling with being "over" Torrid.  Not like in the ex-boyfriend that cheated on you and took your dog when he left over it, but over it like an ex that you slowly drifted away from and realized that you were better off as casual friends.

I have been a Torrid Insider (previously Diva Status) since 2008. I know I shopped there at least a year or two before I joined and the place was founded in 2001- so I've been there since allllmost the beginning. I've seen the brand grow and change and aesthetically, it is more pleasing but the last few years have just been a bore style wise and downright depressing in terms of quality.

I've been fighting with this break up for a while now. I almost went into therapy because I didn't know who I was anymore! I talked with friends to see if they were having the same issues I was and double checked that I wasnt just "growing out" of their trendier lines. I even wrote them a letter and no response. I think they knew the relationship was over and it was time to bring in the mediators to separate out the dishware.

#CoEvo: Coexist & Evolve

I cant even take credit for this, because my super creative boyfriend came up with it while working on the game he is developing (keep an eye out for it in the next year or so- it's gonna be amazing!!) It just rang so true when I saw Tess Munster calling out the trolls for spamming #effyourbeautystandards and #honormycurves. 

I don't have the answers to all of life's questions so calling the trolls out and demanding to be treated more nicely could very well be the best way to handle it. If nobody ever stands up and we let it sit in the dark then nothing ever gets fixed. I am conflicted on this as the total resolution though. I'm more of  a let your light shine and others will follow kind of girl. A part of me cant help but think that when we are so forceful back it not only fuels the fire, but puts us in a position closer to the bully than the bullied, and really... how many times have you changed someones mind just by aggressively telling them they are wrong?

#keeptheplus

Sure, sure, I know I wrote up a whole piece on how plus size is a new gimmick word and how we shouldn't let ourselves be taken advantage by it, but is it so bad that we need to ban it? Plus size model Stefania Ferrario is trying to ban the term plus size and I'm over here still trying to decide if I want the tenders or the breast meal from Chicken Express think that's such a good idea.

On one hand, I'm on team "lets do this, everyone is human and beautiful, no need for labels!" Then I raise my feminist flag and dance naked on a beach somewhere. On the other hand, how many times have I typed in the words "fat girl ____" or "plus sized _____" into Google to see what would work for my specific body type. Answer: probably six million times (I do a lot of Googling.)

Tess Munster had her own (probably related) status on Facebook, explaining how the plus size community loved her when nobody else did, how she is proud to be plus sized and that it is just a descriptive phrase. (Spoiler:

The DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend)

Birds of a feather flock together. Ever heard it? I'm from a tiny country town so if you havent, it may be one of the charming word strings people tend to throw together out there. Like... thingamabob, cattywhompus or whopperscopper... literally all things someone in my family has said in full seriousness at any given time of my childhood.

It means exactly that- like people tend to stick with each other. I've been a fat kid my whole life and for the most part, my closest friends were also fat. Not because I don't like skinny girls, but because there is that "shame bond" as I like to call it. We have been through the same bullying, the same daily body struggle, the same fear of being judged. The fear of being called... the fat friend. The ugly friend. or... the DUFF, which is a newer creative term.

Somewhere along the way, for a lot of girls-myself included at certain points- we look for a place to put all the blame. As a group, we tend to put the blame on our skinnier counterparts. We took what they did to us and reversed it with "Real women have curves" and "Only dogs want bones". As I said, I am guilty! I wont sit here and say I never felt animosity towards someone with a smaller frame. I learned to be better.

Are Plus Models and Bloggers Glorifying Obesity?

Fat Is The New Thin! 10 Ways To Ditch that Skinny Waistline Just In Time For Summer! Diet Food Tastes Awful- Fat Feels Better! 

How many times have you seen those headlines in today's news? Never? Yeah, me either. If you're at all into this body positive movement or if you even happen to look at any picture posted by a high profile plus size advocate (i.e. Tess Munster, Garner Style) You have probably seen someone say something about "glorifying obesity". Its a huge talking point for the opposing viewpoint. Fat = unhealthy lifestyle. Happiness and self acceptance while fat = promoting obesity, unhealthy lives and ultimately death. 

Listen, I've been fat for a long time- like since I came out of the womb. Never once have I felt like fat was the "glorious" lifestyle. I don't think that someone posting a picture of themselves being happy while fat would change my mind on the subject either. What it does do for me is chip away at all the damage that has been done previously instigated only by my fatness. It shows me that I can be happy if I so choose. 

As a general rule, the plus bloggers and models aren't body shaming anyone for being thin. They also do not promote getting fat. They promote self love, a topic I've hit on before. They promote being happy with who you are as a person no matter what your size. 

So what is it that people are saying when they say I'm glorifying obesity? They are saying I should wait to be happy until I'm a socially acceptable weight. They are saying I shouldn't live a grand life doing what I want as a career path or as a hobby until I'm deemed healthy (should I work on getting a public release from my Dr on that for you?) They are saying I should just hide out from society until the children of the world wont see me and think that my happiness is due directly to my fatness, become fat to be cool and then die of diabeetus, heart failure or running out of breath when walking through Walmart. When you break down what they are saying, it seems extreme doesn't it? That a picture of a beautiful and happy fat person doing nothing other than living ultimately leads to death of others. 

People will always say what they feel the need to say and as Ive said before, most of the time it isnt any of their business. Will I change everyone's thoughts with this blog post? No, but I'm satisfied with breaking down what is being said to what it really means. The absurdity of the phrase itself is enough to destroy its credibility but sometimes when you attach fancy words to something it gets convoluted. 

...Now if you'll excuse me, I have some children to go give the diabeetus. (*eye roll*)

Let's Talk Self Love

There are at least two types of self love, but we are going to focus on the less scandalous version today. Know that phrase, "easier said than done"? Self love is the epitome of that. As much as it seems like it sometimes, this is not a problem limited to fat girls. Women of all sizes battle with their appearance or personality traits that seem less than ideal and though it may be less prevalent in men, they do it too.

Self love is a humanity issue. Understanding that is the first step towards being kinder to yourself. You are not the only one facing it so that lonely feeling can feel a little lighter. You arent the only fat girl; there are millions of resources on how to lose weight. You arent the only girl with small breasts; augmentations are one of the most popular types of surgery. You arent the only girl with dark facial hair; waxing salons and laser hair removal are on every corner. Find solace in the fact that in a world of billions, you will never be alone in any "imperfection."

Actively pursue things that make you happy. When you know what you like and you make sure to treat yourself to those things occasionally you start to realize that you are worth being happy. It is easy to not do. Sometimes money is tight, sometimes family or a busy schedule take priority or even something just being new and scary can prevent it. Don't let those things stop you. Learn to say no to things you dont like and say yes to what you do. When you know yourself and set boundaries,  you empower yourself.

My biggest issue with learning to love myself was that I had put too much weight on other people's opinions of me for too long. I wanted so badly for everyone to like me that I did everything in my power to make them happy. When I realized it wasn't working, I was very angry towards myself and others. Turns out I was putting work into the wrong person. I mentioned in one of my past talks about how everyone has an opinion. It took a long time to really start believing that their opinion didnt matter so long as I was happy and wasnt hurting anyone. People will always have something to say and a lot of what they have something to say about will be none of their damn business. Realize that you hold your own happiness and nobody can take that away without you letting them.

I wont sit here and say once you reach this point, you'll never be hurt by any of it again, because that's simply not true. Words do hurt and it will still sting when someone hits a sore spot- but having the right thought process after is what counts. I always ask myself first if what they said reflects more about themselves than it ever had to do with me. Are they just having a bad day?  Next I think about if what they said was worth being upset about. Will the world crumble if I have a little bit of a mustache? No.  Finally I ask myself if I took that one trait away, would I be perfect? Absolutely not. Sorry, Beyonce, not even you are truly flawless. When you practice putting things in perspective, it will eventually come naturally.

Self love is a pretty complex idea. It is a weird balance of standing up for yourself and not feeling the need to stand up for yourself. I think it is truly one of the hardest things for us humans to figure out so if you have good days and bad days, thats okay as long as youre moving in the right direction.

Is "Plus Size" the new gimmick?

Fat girls everywhere lately! Fat girls in the news, fat girls in Sports Illustrated, fat girls in the news about being the real first fat girl in Sports Illustrated. Fatness everywhere. I say its a great thing, but let's talk about what might really be happening. Namely, "plus size" being a new gimmick. A trigger phrase. A new media buzzword, if you will.

Marketing tools- we know they exist. Its like "Gluten Free", "Green" and "Farm Raised." Can you tell I've been clean eating lately? The media and every advertising agency everywhere knows what gets the world all worked up and lately... it is fat girls. We have been breaking molds (not a fat joke, promise). We have wonderful and beautiful women doing things that society has told us forever that we couldn't do and it really makes people talk.

Now, I'm a girl that loves my attention, (public blog anybody?) but I also like to make sure that I am not being exploited. I think we are on a precarious line now. As a group, we have insane buying power. Most American women fit into the "Plus Size", 67% according to Business Insider and we spent 17.5 billion dollars in 2011 on clothing. Why aren't we using that to our advantage?

We are being bullied by the fashion industry, ladies. Everyone is throwing around the term "plus size" to generate buzz and revenue, but they aren't giving us what we want. They are taking our money then asking for more in shipping costs because we can only shop online and they know it. They keep us in line by telling us that fat girls are harder to make clothes for. They, all the while using "plus size" to get link clicks, are taking advantage of the fact that we want something better.

Should we be happy with where we are? Fat girls are now getting attention, we have more clothing options, we are breaking our way into typically straight size modeling contracts... so why are you complaining, Elle? Well, first I'll say that I've never been very good at settling. The second issue is that I know they are capable of more, but simply wont do it. The next time I hear "plus size shoppers are picky" I want to see it followed by "so we are giving them clothes in store to try on." When someone says, "plus size shoppers don't want to spend the money on high end fashion" I want to hear "so we are making an affordable luxe looking option" right after.

As a group that has spent decades being bullied individually and together, we have to stand up for ourselves. The wheels have been set in motion with the blogger movement, people are talking about us,  but now is when it is most important to set boundaries. We have to negotiate for what we want instead of just taking what they give us. We shouldn't have to settle just because they threw us a bone. Am I happy we have come so far? Absolutely, but I want more because I know it can be done.

Overalls? NOveralls.

There is word on the street that overalls are coming back. Asos has pages of options. Torrid has some (pictured). Ashley Stewart, Charlotte Russe, Nordys...City Chic... we just arent safe!

Guys... I just cant handle that news. Overalls were such a traumatic experience of my youth. They just don't fit my body type well. Big booty plus only 5'2''... it is a problem. Not to mention my PaPa (pronounced paw-paw.. yes, we were from East Texas) wore overalls every single day with his blue Dickies shirt, huge pocket of chewing tobacco and gold pocket watch. My uncle still occasionally wears them sans shirt in the hay field. I love those men something fierce, PaPa even used to let me have fashion shows for him, but that's about as high fashion as overalls will ever get.

I'm out on this trend. As a responsible adult, I have to be. I have to be the one to say no. I am perfectly fine with jumpsuits and rompers; I am in love with denim, but something happens when you combine the two.It is like Girl Scouts and cookies. You think the outcome is delicious, but really it is a whole bunch of young females battling each other Hunger Games style to sell the most cookies so they can win the biggest stuffed animal. Next thing you know, 10 years have passed and you look back at pictures and that big stuffed animal (overalls, in case Ive lost you here) just makes you look like the jerk that you are.

So what about you? Overalls or over it?