I cant even take credit for this, because my super creative boyfriend came up with it while working on the game he is developing (keep an eye out for it in the next year or so- it's gonna be amazing!!) It just rang so true when I saw Tess Munster calling out the trolls for spamming #effyourbeautystandards and #honormycurves.
I don't have the answers to all of life's questions so calling the trolls out and demanding to be treated more nicely could very well be the best way to handle it. If nobody ever stands up and we let it sit in the dark then nothing ever gets fixed. I am conflicted on this as the total resolution though. I'm more of a let your light shine and others will follow kind of girl. A part of me cant help but think that when we are so forceful back it not only fuels the fire, but puts us in a position closer to the bully than the bullied, and really... how many times have you changed someones mind just by aggressively telling them they are wrong?
I mentioned this once before early on in my most popular blog post (I'm fat...Now What?) but we have to stop expecting people to always be nice to us. In a perfect world, that would be the case and I absolutely strive to live up to that expectation but in a perfect world we are not. We probably never will be. If there is one thing I have learned in this life it is that there is always going to be someone that has something terrible to say. If it isn't about our weight, they will find something else.
This is where we get into the #CoEvo. In order to evolve, we must first coexist. If nobody ever said anything negative about us and life was easy, there would be no reason to evolve or change. I'm not talking about evolving into what they want you to be, I'm talking about evolving into a more understanding and resilient person. The people that are "trolling" or bullying know what they are doing on the surface, sure... but do they really know? Emotionally healthy people dont usually lash out at others over such simple things. Emotionally healthy people dont need to put others down to feel better about themselves. Maybe we should take a look at these people and teach by example.
Story time: I was bullied by a couple of boys starting from about the 2nd grade or so. One day a few years later, I caught them taking turns slapping another boy and telling him awful things. I stopped them, but it turned the focus on me. From then on, it was a daily battle. Id go home crying because they called me "washing machine." or they would yell "spin dry" as I walked by. They took my lunch box and broke it, and generally found every way they could to make me miserable. When I was mouthy or fought back, it made it worse but when I started ignoring them, it started to get a little better. Eventually as we got older, the boys and I started to get along better and in high school I had study hall with one. He apologized for how badly he had treated me growing up and at that point I forgave him. I actually told him "thank you" and he almost couldn't believe it. I told him that they had made me who I was at that point. They made me kinder to others because I knew what it was like being the outsider. They made me more understanding of where people come from and how it affects their behavior and they made me the strongest woman I could have become.
This trend has been a part of my life for ... well, almost ever. I lived a few wild years after high school and got myself into some situations with some sketchy people, some my own fault and some I had no control over. (Sorry Dad, Your daughter's a wild woman!) Each time I found that a firm but understanding demeanor worked best. People that demand attention want respect, they generally haven't earned it yet, but once you give it to them you usually find that it becomes mutual. We have to remember that the people we are dealing with might not have the tools to fix their behavior. If we give them the tools or show them how to use them instead of just shouting that they are doing it wrong, they may be more receptive to change.
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